National Abortion Access Fund-Raiser – Help “Patriarchy Survivors” Reach Our Goal!

National Abortion Access Fund-Raiser – Help “Patriarchy Survivors” Reach Our Goal!

Please consider making a small donation to help women in need. You can just make a donation and/or  join my team “Patriarchy Survivors.” Thank you!

From Victim, to Survivor, to Thriver

Testimony By Aime Hutton

My name is Aime Hutton, I am in Calgary Alberta, Canada.  I have a story that I would like to share with you.  I am a survior to thrivor from dating abuse/stalking in university.  Thank you for this opportunity to share my story.  Knowing that we are not alone.

My story is that we met in first year university while living away from home on campus.  He was sweet, and loving caring.  Then things got strange.  I noticed that he was wanting to know where I was all the time.  He got jealous when I was watching movies with actors in it that I found attractive.  And he also had a temper.  One night he and I were invited to another part of campus my boyfriend got angry at our friend and threw his keys at our friend.  Our friend said “Don’t throw things!”, he then looked at me then back at my boyfriend, and said “Don’t throw things ever.”  There were other times when I was scared of him, and hid on campus trying to get away from him.

The night I will never forget though is when we were out with a group of friends dancing at the pub.  I was down on the dance floor having fun with others.  I looked up to the balcony (where my boyfriend was), and waved at him to come and join us.  I got glared at and with his hand actions he demanded that I come to him at once.  I finished dancing to the song then went to see him.  He just stared at me, and said to me “You know that I can’t dance.”  He was angry, as we walked back to the dorms he was muttering under his breath.  My stomach was doing flip flops.  Once back in the dorm, by my bedroom he spun me around and backed me up against the wall.  Slamming his hands up by my face on the wall, he said to me “I love you, I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”  He leaned in and put his hands on my cheeks, he kissed me and slid his hands down to my neck and squeezed.  Luckily he let go quickly.  I couldn’t move, or yell out.  I was able to end our relationship inbetween 1 and 2 of university.  Although I was still friends with others who were friends with him.

Then he also stalked me for the remaining years of university.  He would show up in places on campus where I was.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells when on campus.  I walked everywhere with the walk safe program at night.  And there was one night in the fourth year of university when my friends who I lived with on campus had him over for supper.  I stayed in my bedroom all night.  Didn’t even come out for supper.  My one room mate stuck her head in my room and said to me that it’s been 3 years, get over it already.

It took years to heal, with counselling and also personal development courses.

What am I doing now?  I am the Canadian Ambassador for the Freedom and Empowerment Teen Campaign.  A global campaign to support, educate, and empower those who have been through dating violence and domestic abuse.  As the Teen Ambassador speaking to the next generation and other caring adults with education and awareness about the waring signs of abuse, and the different kinds of abuse.  One of the keys to help stop the cycle of abuse is with education.

Man’s Inhumanity to Women

Testimony By Alie

the first time i was raped i was 12. i didn’t even know what he was doing to me ( i grew up very sheltered ) he was the 19 year old live in boyfriend of my best friends sister. he offered to drive me home after a sleep over, he forced himself on me in his car. he actually got mad b/c i had bled on the seat he fed me the usual bullshit “if you tell anyone, you will get in trouble” and “your parents will stop loving you” so i kept it to myself. i immediately turned to self mutilation and drugs , just to ease the pain i was feeling. this led to drug abuse for the next 20 years and countless suicide attempts. fast forward to my late 20’s, i was raped again, by someone i thought was a friend. this “friend” raped & tortured me for several hours and im pretty sure he left b/c he thought he had killed me ( i was unconscious towards the end ) when i came to, i was literally covered from head to toe with vicious black & blue bite marks, my face swollen beyond recognition, clumps of hair missing and small stab wounds. i went to the local hospital but they denied me care simply b/c i had no insurance and no money. ( i did see a triage nurse and he had to leave the room to compose himself after seeing my injuries ) this led to even more drugs and more suicide attempts. i completely shut down. i was so alone ( all my family lives out of the country ) and i didnt know what to do. i relocated to a different city to start over. i quit all the drugs cold turkey and looked into free counseling thru the county. i even met a wonderful man that didn’t judge me for what i had been thru.now its 6 years after the last rape and i am getting professional help ( i have ptsd, severe anxiety, and bipolar disorder ) and with the support of my loving husband i am finally able to not see myself as a victim but a survivor

The Catholic Taliban: How “ProLife” Protestors Like to Harass Women

From the Page Administrator

    Two weeks ago I started volunteering as a clinic escort at a local women’s health clinic. An escort’s job is to protect patients from protestors while they are entering and exiting the clinic. I knew my services would be needed because the clinics are nonprofit and they cannot afford to hire security guards to protect patients who are visiting their doctors. Having engaged in a few protests myself, I know what the rules are for protestors. I was naive enough to think that a group of church-goers would actually follow the law, but my recent experience has taught me otherwise. There is a huge difference between protesting and harassment, and unfortunately the police in Sacramento, California simply do not care if protestors are harassing people.
    Here is a list of some of the harassment that I have encountered myself and have witnessed being done to patients during my first two weeks on the job.

1. Protestors like to trespass on clinic property to harass patients, even though they know it’s illegal. I one time had to  literally hold my hands up in front of me to block a pastor from trying to enter clinic property. Yes, they do know it’s illegal.

2. Protestors like to scream insults at the patient after she politely declines to take a pamphlet.

3. When I ask  protestors to stop harassing me, they take that to mean that they should scream louder and more frequently. They scream delightful phrases such as “you’re a horrible person!,” “you’re a baby killer!,” “you’re evil!,” and “you’re going to hell!” And when they tire of screaming they just talk endlessly at me about what a horrible person I am. They know I can’t leave my post because my job is to stay outside and protect patients, so they try to constantly insult me in hopes that they can slowly destroy my self esteem.

4. Protestors like to take pictures of me, especially the creepy old men. I try not to think about what they could possibly be doing with those pictures… *vomit*

5. Protestors like to tell me that I am the one who is harassing them, after I have asked them to stop harassing me.

6.. Protestors like to try to convince the boyfriend/husband to force his pregnant girlfriend/wife to talk to them, even if she is crying hysterically and/or doesn’t want to talk to them.

7. Protestors are not supposed to block the sidewalks and streets, but they do anyway.

8.Protestors often bring herds of children with them… who sometimes run into the street while cars drive by.`

This is all I have so far, but it’s only been two weeks. We still have a ways to go before their 40 Days of Hate is over with, and there are all sorts of chromosomes missing from these people. 

I am a Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Goddaughter, Friend, Law Student, Volunteer…

I am a rape survivor. NOT a victim, a survivor. This is my story.

It actually starts several years before I was raped, on March 7, 1997. On that day, I was called to the principal’s office. The usual chorus of “OOH!”s that can be expected from a group of third graders accompanied me as I left the classroom and walked the familiar path to the office of our school disciplinarian, wondering what I had done this time.

It was not the principal who awaited me, however. It was a stranger, who told me that she was a detective, and that everything was okay now, and that I had nothing to worry about as long as I told the truth. Then she told me that she knew I had been touched in an inappropriate way by a family friend and that as long as I did everything I could to help, I would be safe from that ever happening again.

My parents were not present. A lawyer was not present. The principal was not present. It was just me, the detective, and her tape recorder. I was 8 years old. Little did I know that my little sister, age 5, was in another chamber of the catacomb that encompassed the administrative suite of my elementary school. She was being asked the same uncomfortable and odd questions about a family friend we both loved.

The detective proceeded with a line of questioning that included everything from my usual activities with said family friend (let’s call him “Q”), which involved the types of innocent enjoyment a normal grown man can be expected to have with the daughters of two of his closest friends, to my vivid and unusual nightmares. Somehow, these two things were later combined and used against Q in the media.

Later that day, a female police officer picked my sister and me up from our after-school program and brought us home in a squad car. The police had already arrived at my home and discussed the situation with my parents, who allowed entry because the police officer who knocked on the door said simply, “Your children have been hurt.”

When we walked in, my mother called us to her room and asked whether there was any truth to the allegation that Q had ever touched either of us in a sexual way. The answer was a resounding “no.” When we emerged from the room, a man who I did not recognize proceeded to scream at my mother for allegedly “yelling at us” and “telling us what to say.” This upset me and my sister greatly.

Never once during the harrowing 6-month investigation was any evidence uncovered that Q had indeed abused us. We went through family therapy, individual therapy, physical examinations (this being a euphemism for having cameras and fingers shoved in our vaginas and anuses), repeated visits from a social worker and various police officers, and countless questions.

This man did not abuse us. This was an innocent man who ran afoul of some of his co-workers and whose life was destroyed because of it. He was described in the paper and on the news as a

Satanist and a child molester. He, along with unnamed others (including my parents), were supposedly part of a group engaging in Satanic ritual child abuse. I believe the lead detective wanted to make a name for herself with one or more convictions in a sensational case.

Despite the overwhelming lack of evidence, my parents were warned that my sister and I could be taken from them and that we were not to leave town. Q was forced to serve 30 days in jail on a trumped-up pornography charge for the heinous crime of having obscene pictures of an adult ex-girlfriend in a dusty old box his attic. He has never set foot in the state of North Carolina since he got out of jail, with one exception – my wedding day. This is a man who loved two little girls in every sweet way that an adult man can. His absence from our lives is deeply felt and incredibly unfair.

One good thing, if you can possibly stretch the meaning of “good” that exceedingly far, is that Q’s lawyer was able to keep his name off of the sex offender registry. Yes, you read that right. No evidence of any wrongdoing was ever found, yet the prosecutor was still aiming to put the name of an innocent man on a list that would act as a scarlet letter branded on his chest for the rest of his life. For no reason.

During the time that our local police department actively and tirelessly wasted taxpayer money pursuing this meritless case, there were undoubtedly an innumerable amount of girls and women actually being sexually abused and assaulted, women whose attackers were less visible and whose stories were less striking, and who therefore garnered significantly less attention (read: none.)

I know this because I was eventually one of those girls. And this is the part of the story where I tell you about my rape.

I have always been very open sexually and have never had any problem expressing my sexuality. It could be argued that this is the result of what happened to me at a young age, but I don’t really care what caused it because it is a part of who I am and I would never change it.

In the summer of 2003, I decided I was tired of being a virgin, so I offered myself to a friend, who I will call Larry. It was quick, painful, and entirely unremarkable in any way. It was all over in a matter of minutes, and I felt no different after it happened.

Why do I tell you this? Because this same man was to become an accomplice to my rape. Two days after I lost my virginity, I went swimming at an apartment complex where a friend of mine lived. I got tired of swimming and decided to head back to her apartment to change. This was in broad daylight, in the middle of the afternoon, on a path I had repeatedly walked.

I never made it to my friend’s apartment, however. On the way there, I was stopped by Larry and a friend of his, an attractive, tall, very skinny black boy with dreads, who Larry told me was named Mark. Apparently, Larry had made an arrangement with Mark for me to have sex with him for a bag of marijuana. I was not party to this conversation.

Larry said that since I was a “hoe” now, it should not bother me to have sex with Mark, especially since I was helping out a friend. He told me that I should go with Mark into an abandoned apartment in the middle of the row of townhomes in which my friend lived and have sex with him upstairs. Several people from the neighborhood had done drugs in the apartment so it was “safe.”

I protested that I was barefoot and that there was a briar patch in front of the apartment’s broken back door, so I would not be able to safely make it there without hurting my feet. I then proceeded to head to my friend’s home, thinking I was in the clear. At that point, Larry picked me up and carried me to the abandoned apartment, with Mark in tow.

Why didn’t I scream when my friends were very likely within hearing distance? Why didn’t I fight, kick, punch, scratch, tear, or otherwise try to escape? The answer is that I had been lead to believe that rape was a violent attack, one that happened in the deep of night, when a stranger dragged you into an alley. I knew to kick that stranger in the balls and run. I had no clue what to do in this situation.

Once in the apartment, Larry deposited me in the second floor bedroom and disappeared. At this point, Mark asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said no. He began to remove my bikini bottom. I said no. He put a condom on. I said no. He laid me on the floor. I said no. He raped me. I covered my face in my hands and sobbed, praying that it would just be over and I could leave unscathed.

All of the sudden, it stopped the same way it had started. A boy who was in my gym class at school was peering around the doorway from the stairs. I couldn’t tell you his name now, but he knew what was happening. Mark got up and bolted. I never saw him again.

I ran to the bathroom, which was completely dark. There was no power in the apartment and no toilet paper. I sat on the seat in my bikini top and I cried and cried and cried. Finally, I managed to grab my bikini bottom and walk down the stairs. The apartment was utterly filthy, filled with condom wrappers, cigarette butts, broken glass, and the insides of cigars that had long ago been filled with marijuana and smoked.

I sat down on the fireplace and cried. I did not move until my friend, whose home I had been intending to walk to, came in and asked me what had happened. I could not speak. I allowed her to help me up off the bricks and out of the house. Larry was standing outside when I walked out, along with a crowd of other friends and acquaintances who lived in the neighborhood or frequently came to visit.

“Fuck you, Larry!” was all I could get out through my tears. I walked to an A/C unit and sat down, feeling like the absolute worst bit of nothing that had ever existed. I felt dirty, I felt used, but oddly, I did not feel that I had been raped. As I said, rape was this thing where you were beaten and tied up, maybe tortured. It was certainly not something that happened in the

daylight hours in a familiar neighborhood at the behest of a friend to whom you had recently lost your virginity.

I don’t remember much of what happened next. I know that I jumped into the pool. I wanted to get the disgust off me. If I was just a hoe now, I could at least be a clean one. I know that eventually my parents picked me up and that when I wandered into the house, I told my mother that I needed to go back to see my therapist. I know that I was going to be leaving for Florida in two days so I was supposed to stay in that night to spend time with my family.

My best friend, Melinda, was not there when the events transpired, but she heard about them and she and her mother came to my house to get to the bottom of it. Melinda’s mother told mine that Melinda had just been dumped by a boyfriend and really needed her best friend, so we piled into the car and went to Melinda’s house.

Eventually, the story of what had happened came out. Melinda’s mother said to me, “Maria, you know that you were raped, right?” I was shocked. There was no way I had been the victim of such a crime. I honestly thought I had just engaged in sex that I didn’t want to have, sex that made me feel dirty and worthless, but not sex I was FORCED to have. There were no weapons or threats.

I think this is part of the problem in the United States. We don’t teach our girls that rape will most likely be perpetrated by someone who we know. The violent, savage attack by a stranger gets good ratings on TV and in movies and gets a lot of attention on the news, but it is not the typical case. Usually, the rapist starts out thinking you will consent to sex with him, and when you say no, he carries on anyway.

I wish I could say that the horror of my story ended here, but it was far from over. The next day, Melinda and her mother helped me tell my mother what had happened. The four of us decided to call the police. A squad car pulled up and a female police officer emerged and asked me what had happened. She then asked me to show her the scene of the crime.

The five of us piled into the cop car and rode the couple of miles to the apartment complex where my friend lived. We were able to get into the abandoned apartment easily through the broken back door. I walked up the stairs, irrationally terrified, and showed the officer where the rape had occurred. We found the condom wrapper that Mark had discarded on the ground.

Next, the officer took Melinda and her mother home, and took me and my mother to the hospital to have a rape kit done. For those who are unaware, this means I spent many hours in the ER getting blood drawn, giving urine samples, getting shots, undergoing an extremely painful pelvic exam, having fifty hairs plucked out of my head at the root, and being questioned again. And again. And again.

During my pelvic exam, the police officer on my case was in the room. There was a “privacy” curtain drawn around my bed and my mother stood beside me and held my hand. The pain was

excruciating due to the small tears that can often occur in the vagina when it is penetrated without sufficient lubrication.

The detective on my case was actually a woman who I knew from elementary school. She had been the DARE officer for my class. She was very upset by what had happened and very willing to do everything she could to prosecute the man who did this to me. Unfortunately, she ultimately had to drop my case because her husband was in a very serious motorcycle accident. Without her personal interest in my case, I went to the bottom of the list.

I did end up going to Florida and I was fine until I received a teddy bear that said something like “We care!” in multiple colors and fonts from a family friend. I dissolved into tears. I begged my mother to come and the next day, she and my little sister arrived. There are times in your life when you need your mother. It’s not something that is easy to explain but you know when it happens.

In the ensuing weeks, I cooperated with the investigating officers as much as I possibly could. I gave them Larry’s full name and picture, as well as where I thought he lived. I recounted my story over and over again. The cold, detached way that the questions were phrased was excruciating. I was forced to relive the most awful moments of my life alone in a room with a strange grown man. I often felt as though no one at the police department believed me and if they did, they didn’t care.

At one point, an officer came to my home and showed me a line-up of photographs. He also played me a voice recording. The person who the local police thought might be responsible for my rape was at the time in jail for another sex crime. Mark’s face did not peer out at me from any of the pictures, however, and I couldn’t have remembered his voice if I tried. This was their final attempt at solving my case.

In a way, I believe both Larry and Mark were brought to some kind of justice, although I couldn’t tell you exactly what it was. I was very close with Melinda’s uncle Jared. He was reasonably active in the apartment complex where my rape occurred and he said that he would “handle” Mark. I’m not sure what happened between them but certainly no one I knew ever heard from him again.

Larry is active on Facebook; we currently have 13 mutual friends. The first time I saw him after my rape, I was in the mall food court with my mother and a friend. My immediate reaction was to jump under the table, hide, and burst into tears. I have since seen him around town a few times but I never let anyone know until he is so far away that they couldn’t get into trouble for attacking him. I heard that when the police came to his house, his father beat the ever-living shit out of him. I can only hope it is true.

Remember Melinda? My now former best friend? Supposedly, she smoked crack with Larry some time after the events occurred and he tearfully informed her that he thought I would say

yes, that he didn’t believe I was a virgin when he and I had had sex, and that he never thought Mark would actually rape me if I said no. Recounting that information makes me feel nothing.

When I returned home from Florida, my mother and I went to the Rape Crisis Center on the advice of the initial officer on my case. The volunteer, bless her heart, started the conversation with, “As a victim –“ I interrupted her, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am not a victim.” I have never been a victim and will never be one. I understand that rape derails the lives of many women and I understand why that is the case. But that’s not me.

Often when prosecutors put rape survivors on the witness stand, the jury is unmoved without some grandiose show of emotion. This highlights the tendency that our culture has to make excuses for the men who rape and place blame on the women they attack. There is no specific way that a rape survivor “should” act. Each of our experiences is unique and each of us expresses the feelings it has caused in different ways. Most of us would not be willing to share our true feelings in a courtroom filled with strangers about something so personal that it is often difficult to talk about to even our closest confidants.

At least in my situation, I found that it was helpful to word vomit as much as humanly possible. I proceeded to talk about my rape to anyone and everyone who would listen. I still do. Call it attention seeking, hell, you may think this essay was written merely to garner sympathy or attention. But if that is the case, you are missing the greater point – that survivors of rape should not be silenced or shamed when they choose to speak. We have done nothing wrong. If, when, and how we choose to share our stories should be our right and ours alone.

I was raped nearly ten years ago. I have no foolish ideas that this essay will affect my long-dead case or the cold hearts of the police department in my hometown. That is not why I have shared my experience with you. I have chosen to tell my story because I am tired of the ignorant statements about rape that even well-meaning people espouse in front of me on a regular basis. I’m tired of the rape jokes, the snide comments, and the ludicrous notion that somehow a woman is ever “asking for” rape.

Was I wrong to have sex at the age of fifteen? Was I wrong to lose my virginity to someone random and ultimately awful? Was I wrong to walk alone, regardless of the fact that it was broad daylight, and I had made this walk on countless occasions for years? Maybe. Am I wrong now that I sometimes go out in skimpy outfits or actually enjoy having sex with someone I have no emotional connection to? Perhaps. Does any of that make me culpable in my own rape? Absolutely not.

I am not scared. I am not ashamed. I will not be silenced. If you or anyone you know has experienced something like this and you have no one else to turn to, I am here. I will not demand that you tell someone. I will not demand that you seek help from the police because let’s be serious – what help are they really going to be? I will simply sit there and listen. I will let you cry on my shoulder. I will hug you and tell you that most of the men in this world are not

monsters. That there are men who will touch your body in ways that make you feel good and make you feel proud and make you feel loved.

If you are simply curious, feel free to ask away. I have been a survivor of this awful and violent incident for almost ten years. I am no longer living with it every day. I have moved on to bigger and better things. I think it is a cultural imperative for us to understand the experience of being a rape survivor so that it is understood how truly sensitive you must be when discussing this touchy subject.

My name is Maria. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, goddaughter, friend, law student, volunteer, and much more. I am also a survivor of rape, and I am not afraid to say so.

Some names and other identifying information have been changed for legal reasons.

Men’s Testimony is Considered Valuable. Women’s Testimony is Considered Irrelevant.

Testimony By Clair Louise Mcconchie

I was walking home one night , on my way home from work. I always went down a main street but even though I got a strong feeling and thought I heard a voice saying “don’t go that way tonight” I ignored it as I was shattered and it was quicker than the other route. I walked down the main street and then when I hit my street turned as I always did. I had my music player on ( and if I had a dollar for everyone I know who told me that I brought it on because I was walking at a : around 7pm at night and b: i was listening to music as I walked, I would have quite a bit of money) I saw this man ahead of me sitting on a power box and I knew he was up to no good, so I pulled my headphones out. I looked across the road but the blocks of flats were not that safe and the guy had started talking to someone across the road. I thought just keep calm and you will be ok. I kept walking and as I passed him he said something . I stupidly turned to ask him what he said and found him right behind me. He then pushed me and moved to the road side and started shoving me into fences and trying to get me into drives. Meanwhile he was telling me the sick things he was going to do to me and he had something in his hand. I just had this awful feeling he was going to kill me (something I have never shared with my family and friends ) and I for a second prayed it would be over quickly and then I got angry and started trying to get my ph out. These days I always try to keep it easily accessible no matter how messy my handbag is. I started telling him I was going to ring the police but this only amused him. Then a woman biked past me and I begged her for help. She (who biked past me every night)kept going and I later learned had not even rung the police. Then just as I saw a community garden up ahead he started telling me faster and faster what he was going to do to me and I knew I was in serious trouble two cars going the other way approached. The first flashed his hi beam at him which made him pause. I froze and then I just started walking and praying. He then came at me again and a second car shone it’s lights. He then turned and slowly walked back in the direction I came from. I have never run so fast as I did that night . Then when I got home my flatmate at the time gave me an alcoholic drink for the shock and urged me to ring the police. I did and they sent a car out and asked if I would mind coming to look for him with them. We soon found him and he had the cheek to approach the car and tell us that the guy we were looking for “went that way” I told the police officers I was sure that was him and though they thought it too they left him with a dog handler and drove in that direction. He bolted and was caught by road workers. That night I told the story more than once and thought each time I was going to be sick.. however the twist to the story is the fact that he declared cockily he had done it but he was underage and they could not charge him. I was then told I shouldn’t walk down that street anymore even in daylight as he lived with his mother just across from it. Going back to work the next day my manager made me leave my role to delete my fb status of the night before which simply stated I had had a crap night and been attacked on the way home. I was probably in shock when I wrote it and then to make matters worse was told it must be deleted so none of my then coworkers got upset over it..then that same day was told that some of the girls had found a way to make it fun…we could do self defence lessons..not very sympathetic I have to say. The police asked me to change my shift for a few weeks but this wasn’t possible so I stayed on the late shift. I was rung days later to be told by a community constable at work that he had struck again. At the time a woman was seriously raped in a park in the same area. Then I think it was the next day a cyfs worker ( his social worker ) rang to tell me that the victims assistance meetings they hold when their charges attack others was to be at his house and therefore I could not attend..when it was meant to be for me. Apparently a small woman is threatening to this giant of a boy? Soon I began to feel like I was being watched and then twice I actually saw him the first time across the street, the second hurrying behind me as I ran for my front door. I felt at the time that noone would help me but after sharing his stalking with my friend and her husband they made me report it. The police however could do nothing as they had accidentally made a mistake with the restraining order and put the same date as the expiry as it occurred..unless I rang while he was there. Soon the police decided to charge him and asked me to testify. I took my mother and a friend to support me and had to tell the whole story including the disgusting things he said to me in front of the people in the court. I was then cross examined by his lawyer who told me apparently he liked the look of me and was “serenading me ” from an eminem song. The song she quoted had no such rubbish in it and I told her that. Throughout this he laughed at me and noone even asked him to stop. His drugged up mother was actually sitting beside my friend which appalled me for some reason. Then during his testimony he laughed and said something about a small dog in my handbag and to me seemed to infer I was up for it. I cried and cried during that testimony which seemed to inspire him. The other victim by the way had dropped her charges for some reason. The judge found him guilty and I expected he would get a punishment but no..months later I got asked to attend a victim support meeting. I took my mother and my friend’s husband but “somehow” the social worker had given me the wrong time and the meeting was already going on. He also hid in another room when he saw us come in and would not come out. Some of his other victims were there including a teacher who had left her handbag with him and come back to find her ph gone..apparently according to the meeting she was the real victim here. His grandparents who had never been to the court spoke about me like I was not there and inferred I was a liar and their grandson would not do that..Noone at that meeting told them off..til later when they read out his latest crimes . I never got even a written apology and when victim support had been given my details by the two police officers who I met the first night told me I was eligible for free counselling..I went ( and had to take time off work) to find out I had to pay actually..at over $100 a session. She also made me repeat the things he had said to me and asked me if I knew what parts of his body he might have been referring to. Then I also since the attack have had comments made about what colour was he? Why didn’t you fight back if he was just a teenager? Well it really was your fault you were walking at night and my personal favourite that I should be flattered a young man would find me attractive. For a long time I would triple check locks and when I bought my first home in 2011 I actually would put heavy things in front of the door as it was the only way I could get some sleep. I would scrub myself over and over in the shower to make myself clean until a medium last year whilst reading my cards told me I was safe and to ask the angels to protect me from harm. Though apparently I should feel lucky as he never penetrated my body one well meaning friend said. What was my problem?

NO RETREAT: 101 ASSAULTS IN THE WAR ON WOMEN

By Stephanie Whiteside http://current.com

Is there really a war on women?

Republicans say no. They say the phrase is a bunch of hyperbole. But their actions say otherwise. After what was already a record number of reproductive health related restrictions introduced in 2011, conservatives have ratcheted up the rhetoric and legislation aimed squarely at women.

Think this is just happening in Virginia, Idaho and Arizona? Think again. The items on this list include actions in or representatives of 30 different states, not to mention national commentators and pundits (not just Rush Limbaugh). The list also includes more than 30 proposed or approved pieces of legislation and court rulings.

And while most of these attacks revolve around women’s reproductive rights, they also veer off into more general areas, including a Fox News contributor who says women in the military should “expect” to be sexually assaulted.

If these combined actions don’t qualify as an all-out assault on women’s rights, it’s difficult to imagine what would. So here are the quotes, legislation and other developments that we consider 101 assaults in the War on Women in 2012.

“Personally I’d like to make a law that mandates a woman watch an abortion being performed prior to having a ‘surgical procedure’. If it’s not a life it shouldn’t matter, if it doesn’t harm a woman then she shouldn’t care, and don’t we want more transparency and education in the medical profession anyway? We demand it everywhere else.”– Arizona state Rep. Terri Proud (R) (March 21)

Below, Arizona state Rep. Chad Campbell discusses the outrageous proposal with Keith Olbermann on “Countdown.”
Utah Gov. Gary Herbert signs a law requiring a 72-hour wait to obtain an abortion. (March 21)
“I would hope that when a woman goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape. I assume that’s part of the counseling that goes on.” — Idaho state Rep. Chuck Winder (March 20)

Kaili Joy Gray of the Daily Kos decries Idaho’s proposal with Keith Olbermann on “Countdown” in the video below.
GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney: “Vote for the other guy” if you want birth control covered. (March 20)
Arizona state Rep. Debbie Lesko (R) defends her bill, which could require women to prove to their employers that they are taking birth control for medical reasons and not simply to prevent pregnancy, by putting religion above women’s rights: “My bill does one thing and one thing alone. It allows an employer with religious objections to opt out,” she says. (March 20)
“If I thought that the man’s signature was required… required, in order for a woman to have an abortion, I’d have a little more peace about it…” — Alaska state Rep. Alan Dick (March 20)
Rhode Island state Rep. Karen MacBeth, a self-described conservative Democrat, introduces a bill requiring ultrasound before an abortion. (March 19)
The Idaho Senate passes a bill requiring an ultrasound for women seeking a abortion, as well as providing a list of providers of free ultrasounds. The catch? Those providers are mainly crisis-pregnancy centers run by pro-life groups and the ultrasounds performed there may not meet the requirement of the law, necessitating a second procedure. (March 19)
The Tennessee legislature proposes a bill that would publish the names of doctorswho provide abortions, as well as potentially identifying women who undergo theprocedure. (March Gloria Feldt, former president and CEO of Planned Parenthood, tells Keith Olbermann in the video below that assaults on reproductive rights are part of a broader effort to limit freedom.
Data shows that, thanks to a process known as gender rating, women pay more for health insurance than men, even among plans that don’t include female-specific services like maternity coverage. (March 19)
Texas Gov. Rick Perry implements a law that would exclude Planned Parenthood from the Medicaid women’s health program, causing the Department of Health and Human services to revoke federal funding for family planning via Medicaid to the state. (March 16)
The Arizona legislature is on the cusp of defunding Planned Parenthood. (March 16)
A Colorado bill, which passes the state House, would increase penalties if a person hurts a woman and causes death or injury to her unborn child. Critics say it effectively criminalizes abortion. (March 16)
“They take women to dinner, they buy women diamonds, they open car doors for women.” — Rush Limbaugh on why Republicans can’t hate women. (March 15)

Below, comedian Lewis Black tees off on Rush Limbaugh and more on “Countdown.”
“To me the issue is that we have young people who think they are doing good for others by handing out condoms. There are many instances of date rape in which the assailant uses a condom. I would hate to think that the condom they receive from this group somehow entitles them to…[do this]” — Rev. Jude DeAngelo, reacting to a student group aiming to encourage safe sex by distributing condoms. (March 15)
The Guttmacher Institute reports that more than half of reproductive-aged women in the U.S. live in states hostile to reproductive rights. (March 15)
The New Hampshire House passes a bill forcing doctors to tell women of a link between breast cancer and abortion, which has been scientifically disproved. (March 15)
Congressional Republicans oppose renewing the Violence Against Women Act.(March Molly Ball, staff writer for The Atlantic, joins Keith Olbermann to talk about Republican opposition to reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act.
The Utah state legislature passes a bill that would ban sex education in schools. Bright spot: Gov. Herbert (a Republican) vetoed it. (March 14)
New Hampshire House votes on a bill banning third-term abortions. (March 14)
“Now, how can I be anti-woman? I even judged the Miss America pageant.” — Rush Limbaugh (March 14)
New Hampshire House votes on bill that allows judges two business days before they have to decide whether a juvenile who does not want to inform her parents may have an abortion. (March 14)
Catholic bishops declare the fight against mandated coverage of contraceptives a top priority. (March 14)

Jennifer Granholm is “Fired Up!” about the introduction of religion into the political conversation. She asks, “What would Jesus do about the birth control debate?”
New Hampshire House approves a 24-hour waiting period for abortions. (March 14)
“I don’t know how you make anybody watch, OK. Because you just have to close your eyes. But as long as it’s on exterior not interior.” — Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett on an ultrasound bill being considered in the House (March 14) Former Congressman Patrick Murphy tells Keith Olbermann the Pennsylvania proposal is unconstitutional and indefensible.
Lasko (R) introduces her bill in the Arizona House that would allow employers to ask women for documentation if they require birth control pills for non-contraceptive reasons. (March 14)
Fox News commentator Liz Trotta says military women should “expect” to be raped. She goes on to say the military is spending too much money on sexual assault prevention. (March 14)
Indiana woman Bei Bei Shuai has spent one year in jail for the crime of attempting suicide while pregnant. (March 14)
“If they can refind those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place it might help.” — Wisconsin state Rep. Don Pridemore to abused women (March 13)
“Planned Parenthood, we’re going to get rid of that.” — Mitt Romney on cutting spending (March 13)

Christine Pelosi joins Jennifer Granholm on “The War Room” to respond to Mitt Romney’s attack on Planned Parenthood.
Mississippi passes a measure aimed at closing the state’s only abortion clinic. (March 13)
The Alabama Supreme Court ruled doctors can be sued for the death of an unborn, pre-viable child. (March 12)
“Every invasive procedure has an informed consent requirement” — Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell on mandatory ultrasounds (March 12)
A number of newspapers refused to carry a “Doonesbury” strip referencing the transvaginal ultrasound bill authored in Virginia on the grounds of graphic language. Because it’s OK to make laws about vaginas, but it’s not OK to talk about them. (March 12)
“If these young women are being responsible and didn’t have the sex to begin with, we wouldn’t have this problem to begin with.” — New Hanover County (N.C.) Commissioner Ted Davis (March 12)
Maine state Rep. Lance Harvell questions why pap smears are covered by insurance. (March 12)
“Life gives us many experiences … I’ve had the experience of delivering calves, dead and alive. Delivering pigs, dead or alive. It breaks our hearts to see those animals not make it.” — Georgia state Rep. Terry England, comparing women to livestock (3/12)

Ana Kasparian of “The Young Turks” tackles Rep. England’s “barnyard logic.”
Catholic University of America shames students for premarital sex, outlaws contraception on campus. (March 9)
The Atlantic reports on a New York state policy that carrying condoms can be used as evidence of prostitution. A bill that seeks to reverse this policy has languished for 13 years. (March 9)
“Artificial birth control is unnatural and immoral.” — Pat Buchanan on contraception coverage. (March 8)
The Arizona state Senate passed a bill that would allow doctors to conceal information about disabilities or deformities affecting a fetus in order to prevent abortions. (March 8)
“Going with that logic, according to our own Health and Human Services secretary, it isn’t far-fetched to think that the President of the United States could say, ‘We need to save health care expenses — the federal government will only pay for one baby to be born in the hospital per family, or two babies to be born per family.'” — Michele Bachmann on the Obama administration’s contraception mandate (March 8)
Wisconsin state Sen. Glenn Grothman (R) proposes a law classifying single parenting as child abuse. (March 7)
Virginia Gov. McDonnell signs into law a measure requiring an ultrasound prior to obtaining an abortion; however, a controversial provision requiring a transvaginal ultrasound was removed after significant pressure. (March 7)
“President Obama and his allies in the press are trying to pull a fast one on you. You’ve heard all about the so-called ‘contraception controversy,’ well there’s no such thing… his foot soldier, Sandra Fluke, a contraception activist, is at the center of the storm… President Obama, on the ropes with the economy and specifically with women voters, gets Mrs. Fluke to create a controversy, and the liberal media puppets play along as scripted.” — Fox News host Eric Bolling (March 7)
Colorado’s Supreme Court approves a ballot initiative for a constitutional amendment that would prohibit a woman from terminating a pregnancy for any reason. (March 7)
“What is it with all of these young, single, white women, overeducated — doesn’t mean intelligent.” – Rush Limbaugh on author Tracie McMillan, discussing her book about child nutrition (March 6)
Sarah Palin says outrage over Limbaugh’s “slut” comment is hypocritical. (March 6)

Keith Olbermann responds on “Countdown” to the false equivalency from the right.
“We are seeing it. We are seeing the fabric of this country fall apart, and it’s falling apart because of single moms.” — Rick Santorum (March 6)
A New Mexico school is sued after allegedly publicly humiliating an 8th grader by announcing her pregnancy to the entire school. (March 6)
TSA forced a woman to use her breast pump in a public restroom in order to take it on a plane. (March 5)
“You want me to give you my hard-earned money so you can have sex?” — Bill O’Reilly on Sandra Fluke (March 2)
Nevada anti-abortion groups proceed with ballot initiatives to protect “prenatal” persons and prohibit abortion. (March 2)
“Now Sandra has chained herself to the sinking ship of Pelosi Liberalism. She will always be remembered as a Welfare Condom Queen.” — Angela Morabito of “The College Conservative” blog, on Sandra Fluke (March 2)
Florida passes a bill requiring a 24-hour wait before an abortion, and requires that clinics be owned by doctors. (March 2)
“And not one person says, well, did you ever think about maybe backing off the amount of sex that you have? Do you ever think maybe it’s your responsibility for your own birth control, not everybody else’s?” — Rush Limbaugh on Sandra Fluke (March 2)
“Wow. Wow, wow, wow, that makes PMS almost worth it.” — Rush Limbaugh after a caller told him a month’s worth of birth-control pills costs $5 at Walmart (March 1)
Missouri Sen. Roy Blunt authors an amendment allowing employers to opt out of any health coverage they deem immoral. (March 1) Prof. Tricia Rose joins Jennifer Granholm in “TheWar Room” to analyze the Blunt amendment and declares, “this is an absolute war onwomen’s bodies.”
“She said, ‘I leave it up to the government to make good decisions for America.’ … What do you expect from a woman driver? I don’t know why everybody was so shocked.” — Rush Limbaugh on NASCAR driver Danica Patrick’s support of the contraception mandate. (March 1)
“We’re not talking about scientists. Ma’am we’re not talking about scientists here, we’re talking about religious belief.” Pennsylvania Rep. Tim Murphy (R), responding to HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ explanation that the morning-after pill is not abortive (March 1)
The Georgia House passes a “fetal pain”-based bill banning abortion after 20 weeks. (March 1)
“If a state required sterilization as a condition of citizenship, would you be required to do that on the federal level?” — Texas Rep. Mike Burgess to Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. (March 1)
“So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.” — Rush Limbaugh (March 1)
Louisiana Sen. David Vitter on contraception coverage: “It’s about abortion, it’s about abortion-inducing drugs … it’s about sterilization.” (March 1)
“I’m offering a compromise today. I will buy all of the women at Georgetown University as much aspirin to put between their knees as they want.” — Rush Limbaugh (March 1)
“What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic], who goes before aCongressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid for sex? Whatdoes that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute.” — RushLimbaugh (Feb. 29)
Personhood Florida launched a two-year push to get a fetal personhood initiative on the ballot in 2014. (Feb. 29)
“Well, I mean, this mandate has been justified on the basis of the fact that there’s health benefits to providing contraceptives. But the issue of health benefits is not the point. If the government mandated everything that had positive health benefits, it could possibly mandate that everyone drink red wine for heart health even though it violates the religious beliefs of Muslims and Mormons. And it could mandate that everyone eat shellfish even though that violates the religious beliefs of Jews.” — Asma Uddin, attorney with Becket Fund for Religious Liberty (Feb. 28)
Alabama bill requires an ultrasound prior to an abortion Bright spot: It’s changed to allow a choice of ultrasound methods. (Feb. 28)
Colorado state Sen. Ted Harvey on a hospital disclosure bill: “This is religious bigotry, doesn’t matter how you look at it, and that is the way the Communist Vietnam government is.” (Feb. 27)
Pennsylvania ultrasound bill requires technicians give women personalized results and “strongly encourages” women to view the screen during the ultrasound. (Feb. 27)
“How about we amend this bill to just put a big star, a big sign. To say this is the building we designated. Would that be appropriate? No. Neither is this bill.” — Colorado state Sen. Kevin Lundberg comparing a bill requiring religious hospitals to disclose services not performed to Nazi Germany. (Feb. 27)
Wisconsin GOP attempts to repeal the Equal Pay Enforcement Act. (Feb. 24)
Washington state Sen. Michael Baumgartner (a Republican) says U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell (a Democrat) is unqualified to talk about contraception because she’s an unmarried woman. (Feb. 24)
The Virginia House of Delegates passes a bill that would define life as beginning at conception. (Feb. 23)
“We can expect future mandates, under the guise of “health care,” to include sex-change operations, late-term abortions, embryonic stem-cell use, and a variety of other procedures that many Americans do not support and certainly do not want to be compelled to foot the bill for. Obama’s mandate for abortifacient drugs opens a slippery slope that would erode the moral authority of religious institutions in America.” — conservative blogger Phyllis Schlafly (Feb. 22)
A Congressional hearing on contraception won’t be televised. (Feb. 22)
“Abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood.” — Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris (Feb. 21)
Proposed Arizona prenatal nondiscrimination act allows men to block abortions. (Feb. 20)
“One of the mandates is they require free prenatal testing in every insurance policy in America. Why? Because it saves money in health care. Why? Because free prenatal testing ends up in more abortions and therefore less care that has to be done, because we cull the ranks of the disabled in our society” — Rick Santorum (Feb. 19)
“But it was one of those things where her story was compelling, but it wasn’t in any way related to the point of the stated reason for hearing.” — Rep Darrell Issa on not allowing Sandra Fluke to testify in a contraception hearing. (Feb. 17)
Oklahoma Senate passes personhood bill saying life begins at conception. (Feb. 16)
Virginia Del. David Englin (a Democrat) recalls a conversation with an unnamed GOP lawmaker regarding the transvaginal ultrasound bill, who told him women already made the choice to be “vaginally penetrated when they got pregnant.” (Feb. 16)
Oklahoma attempts to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. (Feb. 16)
Rep. Darrell Issa’s hearing on contraception coverage includes zero femalewitnesses, and several female legislators walk out in protest. (Feb. 16)
“You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” — Santorum backer Foster Friess (Feb. 16)
A Texas law requiring mandatory ultrasounds goes into effect. (Feb. 16)
“One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. Many in the Christian faith have said, ‘Well, that’s okay. Contraception’s okay.’ It’s not okay.” — Rick Santorum (Feb. 14)

Irin Carmon of Salon on “Countdown” breaks down the GOP’s emphasis on culturalwarfare as part of its agenda.
“Bring me one woman who has been left behind. Bring me one. There’s not one. The fact of the matter is, this is a trampling of religious freedom and religious liberty in this country.” — Georgia Rep. Tom Price on the mandate that contraception be covered by insurance at no additional charge (Feb.10)
“Interestingly enough, here is what they are forcing them to do — in an insurance policy, they or forcing them to pay for something that costs just a few dollars. Is that what insurance is for?” — Rick Santorum on birth control (Feb. 10)
Fox News’ Greg Gutfeld claims contraception coverage for the poor amounts to “class warfare.” (Feb. 8)
“The feminists have so broadened the definition of domestic violence that it doesn’t have to be violent and can usually be whatever a woman alleges.” — Phyllis Schlafly on the Violence Against Women Act (Feb. 7)
Kansas offers a sweeping anti-abortion bill that would allow doctors to withhold information about birth defects, require women to hear a fetal heartbeat, and force doctors to inform women about a disproved link between breast cancer and abortions. (Feb. 6)
The Susan G. Komen foundation pulls funding used for breast exams from PlannedParenthood, citing an investigation into the organization’s funding. Ana Kasparian on”The Young Turks” calls out an anti-abortion activist on his completely made-up statistics inregard to Planned Parenthood’s revenue.
Virginia state Rep. Dave Albo entertains the House floor with stories of his wife withholding sex over the ultrasound bill, and later sends a snarky email to an angry blogger who wrote about it. (Feb. 27)
“I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.” — Rick Santorum on pregnant rape victims (Jan. 23)
A Federal judge rules Washington pharmacistsU cannot be required to dispense Plan B if they have a moral objection. (Feb. 22)
Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine ® approves language on a proposed personhood ballot initiative defining life as beginning at conception. (Jan. 5)
“I would advocate that any doctor that performs an abortion should be criminally charged for doing so.” — Rick Santorum (Jan. 4)
An Arkansas-based conservative group attempts to get a ballot initiative that would define life as starting at conception. (Bright spot: The state’s Attorney General rejected the petition.) (Jan. 4)
Rick Santorum declares that states should be allowed to outlaw birth control. (Jan. 3)

The War on Women *trigger warning – this story contains graphic violence*

Story by Chrystal (whose rapist was given only a few years in jail for what he did)

I don’t know if you will choose to post this, though I hope you do, even if the contents of this message are graphic. Only a handful of people that are close to me know about this, and please understand it’s very difficult to even type this down but I would like to get my story out there, into the public, to try and help people understand what rape is. There can never be a complete understanding, even when you read something like what I have briefly written down, because to physically and mentally endure such a terrible attack…. it’s beyond imagination. It’s been said in political statements as of late, that rape is just sex, it’s just another means of conception. As a victim myself, I would like to say that all of those statements are false. In 2007, when I was 19, my life was drastically changed. I will never be the person I was, I am forever changed, mentally and physically. I want that girl back, the carefree, spunky, go getter… but it’s hard, and I try every day to push myself further, to heal myself.

I was invited to a friends house, he told me that a group of our friends were getting together. Going there ended up being the largest mistake of my life. So much of myself was left there, with my blood and ripped clothing on his floor. I couldn’t pick it up and get it back. After being there ten minutes, I found out he was lying, no one else was coming. After I turned down his advances and tried to leave, he forcibly tied my hands together, dragged me kicking and screaming into his room where he tied me to his bed and then he tied a pillow case over my head, where he then attacked me for over three hours. I don’t think people can understand how terrifying it is to have your head tied up inside of a pillow case, breathing in your own hot breath, not being able to see, only hearing and feeling the attack, not knowing what he was going to do next or where he was at. I thought I was going to die, I think I wanted to in those hours, and for a long time after that terrible day. I have never known a pain like that day. I didn’t know every single inch of my flesh and insides could hurt like that. He kept telling me that when he was finished with me, I would be dead. He spit on me and called me a bitch so many times and told me it was all my fault.

Apart from sexually assaulting me with his own body parts, he also used a baseball bat, a wine bottle, and scissors. When he was done, he threw me to the floor and began kicking me and beating me. I had two broken ribs, a dislocated jaw, a black eye that was swollen shut, a broken nose, a split lip, and blood came out of one of my ears. Blood was coming from every part of my face, and it covered the pillow case in a sick, dark red that smelled like copper and plastered itself to my skin with my tears. I had a break down afterwards, I cut off a large portion of my hair, I tried taking sleeping pills. How can one person ruin someone else so thoroughly?

I fought back as hard as I could, I used every fiber of my being to try and hurt him, to get away. I had so much to live for, even when I wanted all of that pain to end, I thought of my family and how much I loved them. I scratched him, and bit him through the pillow case. I kicked, I screamed and I know I got a few good punches in.

I would be dead now if his brother hadn’t shown up and saved my life. I had been fighting on my own, but I just wasn’t strong enough. He pulled me out of the house and into his car, where he took me to a friends. At the hospital, it was found that I now have nerve damage in my lady parts, so sex will never be the same. The Republicans have stated that women should have to pay for their rape kits. I didn’t have the funds for one. If I would have had to pay for my own, he never would have been brought up against a court. I was ashamed of what had happened and I didn’t want my family to know. I was never home, I stayed with friends, because I couldn’t admit that someone had broken me so badly. That someone had done that to me. How can someone be full of so much hatred?

Mentally, I’m completely different. I’m terrified to go anywhere alone, because I know what people are capable of. I have problems keeping a job because I have had two nervous breakdowns. Jobs were never a problem before. I was confident, outgoing and so smart. I had already worked with numerous Humanitarian Aid foundations and organizations, including the United Nations, at the age of only 19.

I dream of that attack all of the time. It haunts me. Five years after the attack, he was finally arrested. He got four years in jail. Four years, that’s it. I got a life sentence from that attack, it’s with me every day when I look at my scars. For the rest of my life, I’ll fear him. I’ll have fear of so many things. I’ll always be scared that I will run into him, that he’ll finish what he had started. Once, two years ago, I saw him in the parking lot of a store. I threw up and was unable to drive myself home because I was shaking uncontrollably. The mental damage is so bad, that I can’t even watch scenes in movies where a girl is mistreated or a scene where someone has a sack over their head. He might not have killed me as he intended, but he killed so much of me.

So, in conclusion, I would like to tell Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan and all of those other Republicans that no, rape is NOT just sex and a means of conception. We will NOT just “lay back and enjoy it.” It’s an attack, it’s life changing, it takes so many innocent lives away. I’m thankful that they don’t have to look in the mirror and see a scar on their cheek, reminding them of that day. I’m happy that they don’t have to feel their crooked ribs because two were mercilessly broken. This war on women is extremely personal to me, and I want to tell my story, to make people understand. I have thought many times about ending things, to stop the images in my head from that day, but I won’t do that, I won’t let my attacker win. I may be a victim, but I won’t lose myself to this.
I would be dead now if his brother hadn’t shown up and saved my life. I had been fighting on my own, but I just wasn’t strong enough. He pulled me out of the house and into his car, where he took me to a friends. At the hospital, it was found that I now have nerve damage in my lady parts, so sex will never be the same. The Republicans have stated that women should have to pay for their rape kits. I didn’t have the funds for one. If I would have had to pay for my own, he never would have been brought up against a court. If the Republicans had their way; if I had gotten pregnant, my rapist would have had parental rights. I would have had to see him in some way or another for the rest of my life.

I was ashamed of what had happened and I didn’t want my family to know. I was never home, I stayed with friends, because I couldn’t admit that someone had broken me so badly. That someone had done that to me. How can someone be full of so much hatred?

Rape is the only crime in the world for which society will blame the victim and not the criminal.

I had to ban a record number of trolls from my facebook page for their comments,which said that this brave survivor deserved to be raped.