Run Rabbit Run

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Testimony by “Mercy May”

At fourteen years old I was introduced to a ( what I thought was dreamy ) 27 year old guy that had long beautiful blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes, stood six foot four and was a truck driver… With little concern from my parents ( or his ) we quickly moved from sneaking around, to ” dating” , then within months I was living with him. The first time he struck my in rage, I was shocked. My mother was a violent type of woman and so I retaliated. That surprised him. It was almost two years before he did it again. This time he broke ribs ( kicking me while i was down) , dislocated my jaw with one hit square in the jaw, and walked away smiling as I laid in the floor three months pregnant with his daughter. I spent time away, at my family’s home until healed enough to return, braced for more. This child would have a mother and father in her life and I wasn’t going to take that away from her. The night I went into labor, I interrupted him and his friends. No pictures were taken after delivery, I wouldn’t allow the black eye to be seen by her when she grew up. A child raising a child, with a husband on the road wasn’t easy but she was worth every heart ache. She was almost 3 years old when he finally couldn’t handle my happiness anymore. She witnessed many many restless nights of Momma and her ice packs. More than i care to share or admit. I left again with family after he pushed me from behind while walking with her in my arms. I feel across her and she (( and I blame myself still) hit her head on doorway, causing an immediate goose egg on her forehead. He had crossed a line. I got up, soothed her, rocked her stayed up all night with her afraid to let her sleep. The next day when he walked through the kitchen door of our home, I waylaid his ass with an aluminum baseball bat in the head as hard as I could at nineteen. Seventeen stitches down the side of his head, and I smiled, told him it wouldn’t happen again and waited for his retaliation in the coming days. No police were coming to get me, he didn’t want his families name drug through the mud. Within two weeks I learned we had a son on the way. I told him then it had to stop or I was leaving for good. ( never stay thinking it will get better- just go….) My son was born in March , spring time beautiful skies, dark bags under my eyes from being the best Mommy I could be, broken inside. I went to work, putting the two in day care, I helped introduce him to his Meth dealer ( a Co worker that he became friendly with) and then shit got real. Not only was he larger and meaner than me, now he seemed invincible. Broken collar bone, near miscarriage, dislocated shoulder, bruises….they watched it all unfold every night. He starred seeing ‘Cooks’ cousin, not behind my back but in our bed, in our home, in front of my kids. My attempt to leave then was unsuccessful, I truly loved what he was when we started and just knew he would realize his faults. Third child November of following year….bounced my head off of clothes dryer at his Mithra home, and she acted like she didn’t see it. Her baby boy could do no wrong. They were the perfect Baptist family, and we weren’t allowed to speak of it. His first birthday, I incited everyone, wanted it to be special for all three Kids. Streamers confetti balloons, I went all out. After party, I merely asked for a little help cleaning up the house. Second time I went downstairs and asked, he followed. But not to help. Everyday I look in a mirror now, I see how much he loved me. He cleared the dining room table with my head. I wear a partial, that’s why I cover my mouth when I smile or chew food. He took eight of my upper teeth at 24 years old. When I regained consciousness, my daughter ( five years old) was trying to put my bloody broken teeth back in my mouth. She was crying harder than anyone I have every seen to this day. Her brothers hiding in their closet and he was gone. Gone for days with no call no note on fridge no money on table and no car in driveway. I can tolerate pain now, like no other five foot woman should. I can tell you that the children will never see him hurt me again. I can tell you it wont stop till you leave. But I can’t tell you what its like to watch them grow up. After I left him, his family fought me for custody. And since 2007 have been in his family’s care, 278 miles away from me. Our divorce was finalized and I have no love in my heart left towards him. He beat the love from me, stripped me of my self dignity and has stolen their innocence from them . I can tell you, kids do remember. She told him last month she hated him. I feared he hit her. She hugged me, said Momma I will run, run away so far he wont ever find me. He still haunts my dreams. But I can’t feel what he does anymore. And it all could have been prevented if I had left the first time he backhanded me.. My kids were worth every scar every broken bone and every tear.
Feel free to shake your head at this point, I do every time I look in mirror

Moral of my lengthy story, ” Run run rabbit run away far far away, the first time.”

Much love tonight from Longview Texas.
Mercy May ( forgive but Momma doesn’t )

I pray someone, just one person, who needs to actually reads this and I pray you listen.

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