I Want to be Free of Him

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Testimony by Danielle Piatanesi

When I was 15 I was fighting a lot with my Mom (my parents are alcoholics and I was fed up with it.) So, when my oldest Sister Jenn offered to let me live with her and help watch after my niece during the day I was like “SCORE!” and moved out as soon as my Mom agreed.
I was SO excited to be moving in with my cool sister and her even cooler husband. He let me stay up late and play video games and drink beer and smoke cigarettes, get high for the first time, he was SO cool! He also liked gambling at Tahoe and Reno so he would set me up with KILLER suits to watch my niece in while he gambled. I could order all the ppv and room service I wanted! Also got to run a muck in Circus Circus. I felt like I had a Dad for the first time in my life. (my dad while physically present was drunk and an emotionless robot. “hi” “goodnight” and “goodbye” were the only words I ever heard from him.) My brother in law actually talked to me, played games with me, made me laugh, took me shopping, spent quality time with me. I felt SO lucky!
Then, one night while my sister was sleeping in her bedroom (they slept separately, her in her room, him on the couch) and i was lying on the floor watching tv as usual… he got down off the couch, covered my mouth and told me to keep quiet. He pulled down my shelf bra tank top, exposing my breasts. He used my body that night. I was in shock I think, I couldn’t even say anything or move at all. I was totally frozen while experiencing hell.
The next morning as soon as my sister left the house he got to work “programming” me I guess. He told me this was my fault for walking around his house in a shelf bra tank top with no bra. That my breasts were begging to be played with. He told me that if I ever told anyone that they would take my niece away and she would have a horrible life in the child care system. That my father would know what a whore I am and would disown me. That I would have no place to go once my family knew what a slut I was. I would be all alone on the streets. And I BELIEVED Him.
My abuse went on for 5 years. I spent 5 years trapped in a house with him being raped over and over. I was 15 and while I wasn’t a virgin, I was so very inexperienced. He was the first person to eat me out. The first man to cause “good” feelings down there- of course mixed with fear and anger and horror and shame.
And now being eaten out feels icky to me. I see his face. I feel him. I just want it to stop.
I just want my life, my mind, and my body back. I want to be free of him.

10 thoughts on “I Want to be Free of Him

  1. I am so very, very sorry.

  2. It sickens me how many girls i know that were raped by family members. It really pisses me off that others of my gender are horrible, worthless scumbags. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Please tell me that your sister knows all of this now

    • Thank you. Yes, she does. She has long since divorced him. But he is free because I didn’t piece myself together enough to tell my story before the statute of limitations.

  3. I am so sorry. Are you still in contact with him? Does your sister knows about it? I’m sp sorry.

  4. Daniellie, that’s what it’s all about – finding another piece of yourself every day, claiming yourself FOR yourself again. Keep working on it and I know you will someday understand not just intellectually, but understand in your deepest core that all of what happened to you was HIS fault, and that it no longer has to define who you are. I’m so very sorry that someone you trusted used your innocence to feed his own twisted impulses.

    It’s a long haul, but sharing your story and finding out you’re not alone is a huge step. You’ve got lots of company along the way. Hang in there.

  5. Don’t let him win. You are a good person and deserve to be treated in a respectful manner. He on the other hand is a rapist pig. You do have many sisters who have been raped and abused. Sometimes it takes years to live with the reality of it.

  6. As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can aid me. Thank you

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